So many unanswered questions. Why do horrible tragic events happen to good people? Why do spouses, children, friends, strangers go off the rails and do reckless, permanent damage to themselves to others to relationships? So many questions for God.

Having said that, I will also admit that none of those questions have ever gotten me wrapped around the axel, losing sleep, or crying out to God for answers. Somewhere in my long attempt to walk in the dust of Christ, those issues settled for me. The understanding that God is sovereign covers most of it, and when I combine His sovereignty with the understanding that if becoming a Christ follower gave automatic immunity to evil and tragedy, then everyone would sign up to follow. I mean, what’s the downside right? Follow Christ, get 24/7 angelic protection, never have a financial crisis, no crippling diseases, no tragic deaths, yes – sign me up. 

But it doesn’t work that way. Life is full of tragedy. And loss, and pain, and loneliness, and despair. It is also full of breathtaking beauty, the joy of a newborn, laughter, hope, and most of all, love. Love that gives meaning to life, love that instills our place in the world, love that means our future is set to forever with our God and creator.

As a parent, I remember so many times my kids were so frustrated by my direction. What to eat, what to wear, where they’re allowed to go, and all the while never really understanding that as parents, we saw so much more than they did. That really we were working to provide them with tremendous security and the right and best kind of freedom. They were free from the burden of ordering their lives, getting everyone where they needed to be and when they needed to be there, making sure everyone had meals, snacks when needed, new clothes when needed, and so much more. 

All grown ups are like children when it comes to God ordering our lives. We question, challenge, complain, and argue. Yet how much more capable of ordering our lives is God than we were as parents? Do we not yet trust Him to provide for us, to bring about our ultimate best? It seems easy to do when life is good and the blessings flow. Not quite as easy to trust Him to order our lives when pain and suffering are all we see. Yet we are called to trust Him.

My point, and my goal, is to live life understanding that I will never have an answer for the suffering in this world. I’m striving to truly know that God sees it all, and He is ordering my life. And yours. In the end, He will somehow bring rhyme and reason, justice, and understanding to every event, every action, every triumph, every tragedy. 

May we walk today with the faith of a child in a father who loves us beyond our ability to understand. A father who is bringing order to our lives, who has all of the details of our lives right where they need to be, a father who asks us to trust and lean not on our own understanding.

Grace and peace

I’m in the middle of rereading Living Life Backward by David Gibson. As I’ve blown through middle age and am currently staring old age square in the face, the book of Ecclesiastes has become much more relevant to life than it ever has. The short story is that Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, had the opportunity to experience everything life has to offer – money, power, women, adventure, literally anything and everything the world has. At the end of it all, he says “all is vanity”.

We spend so much of our limited time reaching for more. Striving. Seeking. Working to “gain” more and more. We seem to default to more – more money, bigger house, newer car, new clothes, jewelry, and so on. Somehow we can all pay lip service to the idea that more (money) won’t make us happy, but we continue to try and prove that it will. We want “gain”. Truthfully, I have spent much of life chasing gain. And then squandering it when I found it. Only to repeat the chase for more. It’s hard to argue that most people really do want everything, and spend most of their effort pursuing all that Solomon says is vanity and therefor end up “chasing the wind”.

Speaking of chasing the wind, as a parent, I was constantly amazed at how often my children pushed back on what I asked them to do, or how I asked them to dress, or any of a million other requests. They simply didn’t see the big picture, they didn’t know what I knew. Their world was very small, very safe, and yet, they found reasons to push on the boundaries all the time. Likewise, why is it so hard for me to accept life as it comes, knowing that everything is part of a bigger picture that I can’t see, but a picture that is completely visible to a good and loving God. How much wisdom does one need to possess to understand and accept that at best, we have only a very small and limited view of the picture God sees. We are called to be like little children and trust that God has us in His hand, safe and secure. Despite how we feel at any given moment, despite the times that sickness, death, pain, and suffering wash over us, drowning us. When we really grasp this, we can allow ourselves to stop needing to be in control of everything that happens to us. Maybe we can even stop chasing the “gain”.

Shifting gears, how does this next statement feel to you? The life you have today came from God’s hand as something you don’t deserve. Your life is on loan, and the loan comes due. Always. So instead of pushing back, instead of striving for gain, can you embrace life for what it is, instead of what you want it to be? Can you live your life before God with reverence and obedience, and see it as a gift? Perhaps this is how we can live life with peace, embrace joy and laughter, walk through pain and suffering, simply by deeply knowing and acknowledging that God has the big picture. And He is good. Even when we are suffering from the pain of self inflicted consequences. And in those moments when life is good, enjoy it. Laugh, eat, drink, share, walk in community, give generously.

Last thought to consider. These are the best days of your life. They really are. Stop chasing the wind, stop seeking more. Stop thinking the future will be better and easier. Stop thinking that if the situation was different, you would be better or more generous. Let go of the regret of choices made, or not made in the past. Learn from your choices, but don’t let them crush your today. Live the life you have now instead of longing for the life you think you will have, but that in reality you actually have no control over. Choose to live out the truth that rest and peace are more important than wealth and success. Learn to find contentment by subtraction, not addition. How much would it change our daily life if we took hold of understanding that while we may not have as much as we would like, we have more than we deserve.

Grace and peace

I had the privilege to go to Africa and serve a small Christian organization with a mission to build and equip pastors in the field, meaning pastors in small villages. We would load up in a van, and drive to a village, many times the village was several hours away, making for very long days. On the way, we would talk, pray, and encourage each other, especially as the week went on and we started to really feel the physical wear and tear.

One day that is particularly sharp in my memory, is the day we drove a couple of hours in order to get to a ferry that would take our van over to an island. The ferry trip was one long prayer, as we were literally pressed body to body. I have no idea how many people the ferry was designed to carry, but we were way way over whatever that number was. I realized this was exactly how those stories of overcrowded boats sinking happened. After we finally disembarked, we loaded up and started driving down an incredibly narrow path (not a road) with branches hitting the van, pot holes that jarred our teeth, and a couple of tight turns that I didn’t think we could make.

Upon arrival, we were swamped with children wanting to touch us, dance with us, and simply hold hands while shouting “mzungu”. Their joy was palpable, and humbling. The adults were so incredibly kind and welcoming, we were treated as honored guests. I wish I treated everyone who has come to my home with as much love and joy as they treated us with. They were so grateful to see us, to have visitors from off the island come to be with them. I later learned that most of the children had never seen a white person (mzungu) before, which explained some of their reactions to us.

At lunch, we were served rice and beans, and there was a small pot of meat, just for our team. I love rice and beans, but there was no way I was going to eat the mystery meat in the pot, I can be brave with food on occasion, but one look convinced me that this was not the time to be brave.

That all changed as we gathered with the elders and our translator told us a little of the back story on our visit. To start with, the trail we drove up was single file walking path that has been enlarged for our van, so we would not have to walk the several miles required to get to the village. And by “enlarged”, that meant that the men and boys had taken machetes and hacked out the path. Miles of jungle path had been hacked by hand, just to make it easier for us to arrive. And the meat was to honor us, there was no meat for anyone else, just for our team. It was a sacrifice, to honor us and show their gratitude and appreciation for us coming. In turn I was shocked, amazed, embarrassed, and finally deeply humbled by what had been done for us.

Those few words of context showed me the sacrifice involved behind the path and the meat. The gift of meat out of context would lead me to say no thank you. However, with the context, I could receive the gift in the spirit it was meant, allowing me to take and eat with a spirit of gratitude and thankfulness. I now had a glimpse of the hard work and sacrifice made to literally carve out a road where only a path had been. I also knew that in order to give us meat, everyone else did without.

I believe this concept of receiving a gift, of understanding what’s behind the gift, also applies to what God has for us. In The Promise Principle, Phillip Hunter says “If you can understand the sacrifice, you can receive with a thankful heart. You can’t truly receive anything from anyone without gratefulness.” If you don’t understand the sacrifice and don’t have gratefulness, you are simply taking a gift. The difference is subtle, but significant. God’s promises are either truth we take, or truth we receive, and if we receive it, it becomes truth that changes us. As my wife has reminded me countless times, gratitude may just be the secret to life, and it might make all the difference as we learn to receive the gifts of our Father.

Today I’m praying that I can begin to get a glimpse of the sacrifice and love behind God’s promises to me in His word. And maybe I can begin to see the context of the promises He made me, starting with the promise that He loves me. Regardless of how worthy or unworthy I feel. Lord, help me to be grateful, help me to receive your promises, believe them, and act on them. And may we all have a little of the joy those children had.

Grace and peace.

As I was talking to a close friend the other day, he took a deep breath and started telling me about how worn he was feeling. That was his word, not tired, not weary, not exhausted, just worn. For the next few minutes he proceeded to walk through how the last few weeks, months, and years had taken a toll on him. Not in a visible way, but in the ever so subtle, slow, and almost imperceptible manner. The way that water can eventually wear a path through stone. That kind of worn.

He talked about the pressure to provide, to maintain the standard of living he had – he was quick to note that he had set it himself, gradually raising it over time to a socially acceptable level. But a very high level. He wondered where his joy of salvation was, where all his hope was, and where the peace that passes understanding was. In short, he was struck with “is this all there is” to life. Life as a Christ follower.

Like many people struggling on the inside, when you look at his outside, he’s got it all – according to the world. He’s respected, successful, huge friendship circle, impressive home, nice cars, goes to church, gives at charity events, you get the idea. He does all the right things as defined by his standards, and the standards of his neighborhood, his friends, and even his family. He fits into his world so well. On the surface.

Yet he’s slowly burning out, maybe not so slowly. I would venture to say that the burn has accelerated, as most fires tend to do with enough fuel. The real fuel? Expectations. Simply expectations. His, his families, his friends. Everyone expects that life continues on a straight line – up and to the right. Bigger job with more money leads to bigger house and nicer cars and so on. No one expects him to do anything but become more.

Funny how when we take our US, upper middle class, Christian blinders off, and look at our savior, we see a homeless man, walking everywhere, teaching all who would listen, and even eating grain out of the field. With his collection of chronic underachievers walking beside and behind him. Poor, uneducated, dirty, dusty common men. But they were men who walked with Jesus, and they changed the world. Not with money, not with power, or fame, or anything worldly. They finally understood what Jesus was saying all along, that the things of this world are ultimately meaningless. And while they are ultimately meaningless, they can actually be quite destructive in the short term. Jesus had so much to say about money and wealth. Somehow, many of us have decided that His words about wealth don’t apply to us, because we are good people, we’re Christ followers.

I didn’t offer my friend any solutions, I simply listened and let him unwind his story. But he left me wondering about many of the same things. Where is my joy, hope, and peace? Do I hear the still small voice, or is it drowned out by the tyranny of possessions? Do I even consider the tyranny of possessions or have I come to accept the relentless pressure to achieve and maintain?

I’m afraid that my friend would be someone that Jesus would tell to “sell everything and come follow me” and he would walk away sadly, because he had great wealth. I’m afraid that I’m more like my friend than I would care to admit.

Grace and Peace

I grew up on stories of courage.  I imagine most boys did.  The Alamo, David and Goliath, Pickett’s Charge, and literally so many more I could list them all day.  Courage was pretty much a one dimensional characteristic, bravery in the face of overwhelming odds that could result in the loss of your life.  It wasn’t until later in life that I began to understand courage a little more.

Straight to the point, real life takes courage.  Because real life is messy and real life is hard.  This world is full of suffering, pain, disease, brokenness, heartbreak, loss, and death.  At the same time, we must remind ourselves that as Christ followers, we have the ultimate answer to the pain.  The power of the cross is the power over this world.  The ultimate pain of this world is death, and Christ defeated death.  To be fair, much of the time, it feels like the “ultimate” answer pales in comparison to the scope of the problems we see.  How do I as a Christ follower, make an impact on all the starving children in the world.  How do I help the runaway kids, the addicted, the orphans, the hopelessness of those struggling to feed their family another day?

The problems are so overwhelming that the easy answer is simply to make a surface acknowledgement of the problem (it’s heartbreaking about all those refugees….) and then move on.  This allows us to feel better about our sense of compassion and our desire to do something, but of course, what can we do when the problem is so huge?  So we do nothing.  Or maybe wear a ribbon.

The problems of this world are far beyond our ability to solve.  Thankfully, our job is not to solve the world’s problems.  I believe our job is much simpler than we make it out to be.  The key word is do.  First “do” on the list is pray.  Again, I don’t fully understand the power and impact of prayer, but I don’t have to understand it all to do it.  So pray.  I’m pretty good at the OTP.  The One Time Prayer.  Where I see pain and suffering, most often at a distance honestly, I say a prayer.  Then I move back into my world and my focus on me.  I’m convicted that an OTP is better than no prayer, but I’m working on consistency and faithfulness in praying for something.  Honestly, I’m an abject failure at a consistent prayer, but I’m not giving up on myself.  The second “do” is just do. Something.  Anything.  Be courageous enough to see pain and suffering, and stop.  Stop, and then engage.  Listen.  Give.  Pray.  Be part of the solution.  Yes, engaging in suffering can be scary, and even dangerous.  It’s much safer to say a OTP and move on.  I believe more is required of us.  I believe we are to engage, even when it’s scary, maybe especially when it’s scary.  Christ spent much of his life bursting the protective bubble of the religious, and modeling engagement with the outcasts, the lonely, the broken, and yes, the scary and dangerous (Mark 5:1-20 for example).

I’m reminded of the old story of a man walking along the beach where thousands of starfish had been washed up.  He was picking them up one by one and throwing them back into the ocean.  Another man came by and said, why are you even bothering?  You can’t save even a fraction of them!  The first man said, maybe not, but it makes all the difference in the world to this one.

Being a Christ follower in our country does not take courage.  It’s easy, it’s safe, and it’s pretty comfortable.  I’m very ok with that way to much of the time.  In fact, I’m hard pressed to come up with any stories of my personal courage at all.  Undoubtedly, more is demanded of me.  More courage.  More compassion.  I want the courage to engage with suffering.  I can’t let the scope of the problem keep me from starting, after all, I can make all the difference in the world to one.  Be strong and courageous.  And do.

Grace and peace

One year ago today, life took a hard turn on me. I lost a close friend. It was unexpected, sudden, and heartbreaking. Up to that day, my friendship circle was amazingly intact. My inner circle, the friends that own part of my heart, and are given part of my life, those critical few that are intrinsic to how life flows day to day, was intact. Sweetly, beautifully, and against all odds, intact. That changed on Jan 6th, 2022. The rhythm is a bit off, the flow is a little less even, and while life and friendship go on, they are inexorably and inexplicably changed.

I’ve struggled with the point of this post, part of me wants to get my emotions out and mourn. Part of me wants to write about death and perspective and how we should be living life with a grateful heart. Part of me wants to rejoice for my friend who knows no pain, no sorrow, no tears.

After countless starts and deletes, I landed on impact. The impact of a life well lived. Not a perfect life, and he would be the first to admit that. Life was never meant to be lived perfectly. Impact does not require perfection, in fact it requires imperfection. A life of impact requires pain and struggle and hope and friendship and loss and openness and joy and being intentional. Impact takes time and effort and sacrifice. It means saying yes and dropping everything to drive over and see a friend in need. It means you give yourself away, you own your mistakes, and you’re brave enough to share them so others can learn. It means you walk humbly. That was how he lived.

Strange how integral someone can be in your life, and while you know it at the time, you can’t really understand it until they’re gone. The sum (impact) of a life is an impossible number for us to arrive at, only the Lord knows how to calculate that. Everyone who knew him, knows what impact in your life feels like. Because you feel its absence. I love you my brother, you lived with impact, and you are missed. Grace and peace.

I realized the other day that I no longer scan the news headlines daily. I’m no longer concerned with keeping up with current events. In fact, I’m strikingly disinterested in the news now, which is a pretty big change from even a couple of months ago.

I took a step back, and acknowledged that almost all the news was bad, globally, nationally, and locally. Since that’s nothing new, I had to realize that something was different with me. I was increasingly worried. Like, really worried. Worried if I’ll have enough money to retire, wondering what happens if I lose my job, what happens if my 401k keeps dropping, what do I do if are we headed into a recession? Does it turn into a depression? And what does that mean for me and my family? In short, I had to admit that the world had me entirely focused on…..the world.

I don’t mean to downplay our responsibilities to be good stewards of what God has given us, or to ignore my duties to be fiscally responsible and use the judgement skills God has given me. It’s more that I realized I had lost my today in my fear of tomorrow.

Instead of focusing my day on the Kingdom, I was focused on my kingdom, and to me, my kingdom is financial. My financial security was (is) my safety net. I was drowning in fear of what could be, might be, what could happen to my financial security. To the point that my today was simply full of fear. Fear of loss, fear of tomorrow.

Every once in a while, I come to a startling epiphany of the obvious. Like tomorrow never comes. And sometimes those epiphanies come with scripture, in this case, Mathew 6:25-34 where the Lord tells us (me actually), that today has all I can handle. And that I should be focused on seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Then Christ adds the little kicker at the end, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

So, today, I’m working to choose to focus on the Kingdom and His righteousness. My focus on today means less worry, and more intentionality. Less fear, more prayer. Less stress, more gratitude. Less my kingdom, more His Kingdom. I choose to put my faith into action, trusting that by putting my focus on today, tomorrow will take care of itself.

I don’t want to lose any more todays in fear of tomorrow. Grace and peace.