If you knew you would never have to worry about money again?  If you never had to check the balance in the bank, if you could just keep pulling out the credit card and not worry about the limit (because there’s not one) and know that you will pay the balance in full when the bill comes due.  I think about that occasionally.  Mainly when I’m paying bills.  When the stress of just how expensive this life (that I’ve chosen) really is.

When Christ says no man can serve both God and money, I start to worry.  Because I seem to be serving money a lot.  And thinking about it.  And yes, worrying about it.  There was a time, very briefly, where I didn’t worry.   Life didn’t change, I just didn’t have to worry (I could always sell a little more stock).  It was a beautiful time.  But as I look back, I’m not so sure.   As I think about how do I make ends meet in a couple of months, not this month, not next, but soon, I get that old familiar feeling in my gut.  Fear.

This is when it all hits, it really matters.  Does fear take over?  Or do I believe that He is ready, willing, and able to take care of my needs?  Then I think, what do I “need”?  I’m pretty sure Christ would look at my life and say “sell everything you have, give it to the poor, and follow me”.

As I said early on, I have questions.  And I know where the answers are.  I’m afraid I just don’t like the answers, so I keep looking for different ones.