When I first wrote this blog, I thought it was a dramatic departure from why I am writing. This is written to young men who are on some level seeking to be Christ followers. As I wrote, I realized that really it’s not that much of a departure on my general theme after all, I am simply trying to address the disconnect between young men’s decisions to be Christ follower with the way that many/most of them think and then act. And how Christ calls us to be radically different than the world.

Proverbs 1 gives us some beautiful insight. Solomon’s words came from his God given wisdom and can enable us to attain wisdom and discipline, acquire a disciplined and prudent life, help us do what is right and just and fair, and give knowledge and discretion to the young. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge he says. The foundation of a Christ follower is first salvation, then time in the Word, prayer, and a community of believers. That is the starting point for everything, and so much has been written there I will leave it for today. Enough to say that what I am talking about below is additive to that foundation, and without a solid foundation, nothing I have written is of value.

I am a son, a husband, a father, a brother, and a friend. So I cover the full spectrum of manhood. That makes me somewhat of an expert in most things men. I wish that what I have to offer comes from a life well lived, but the reality is much of what I have learned has come with a cost. In many cases, a very high one. I have much better understanding of where Solomon was when he wrote Proverbs. He was saying- listen, learn, and don’t make the same mistakes I have made. So here are some simply modern day keys to making sure your life is connected. Connected to what you say, think, and believe.

1. Quit the porn. Yes, just quit it. Stop rationalizing it, justifying it, and mentally making excuses for it. One day we will answer to Christ himself. As it says in Proverbs 5:21 – “For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord.”  We are called to be pure. To be Holy. There is so much scientific evidence of the destruction porn does to the brain. Just stop. If you want to know more, do some homework, or be really brave and email me at takeastandatx@gmail.com and ask me your questions. Here’s a couple of specifics for starters-

• First, find someone you trust, and get real and ask for some accountability. No man makes it very far down the narrow road alone. Moses had Aaron, Paul had Timothy, and Christ had his disciples. You need someone as well. What destroys us most is what we hide the deepest.
• Second, remember that to be holy, turn to the One who is holy. Don’t try to turn away from porn, you’ve already tried that, countless times. Do it differently, turn towards Christ.

2. Be confident. I realize that’s a little like saying “throw strikes”. Every pitcher on the mound is trying to throw strikes, so a coach yelling at him to “just throw strikes” is not doing the pitcher any good. So here are my thoughts on being confident. A healthy, God honoring kind of confident.
a. It’s not even close to being arrogant and domineering. No one likes a bully, a loudmouth, or a showoff.
b. It does come from knowing how to do some things. Like changing the oil on your car, hunting, fishing, installing a ceiling fan, changing a flat tire, fixing a broken sprinkler head on an irrigation system and so on. Make a list of some things you want to learn how to do, and get after it. Ask your dad, ask a friend, read a how to book, or hit google. Just go learn something.
c. And lastly, to be confident at your core, you need to know “whose” you are. As a Christ follower, your identity is in Christ. You don’t have to be the biggest, smartest, strongest, or fastest. We men are competitive. And guess what, someone out there is always “better” than you (and by “better” I mean better looking, more money, better job, funnier, and so on). The only hard core reality that matters, is that you have been ransomed from death, your sin has been paid for, and the King of Kings has come from heaven to earth for you. And at the cross, all men are equal. So because of Christ, you have a mission, a purpose, and a calling that transcends anything else in this world. A man with a mission is a powerful and attractive thing. A man with a mission has confidence.

3. Stop being scared. Every really amazing thing done or accomplished in the world came after a man worked past his fear and just did it. Think about it. You will always have a reason to be scared, and you will always face rejection. Every time you ask a girl out, you face rejection. Every job interview you come face to face with rejection. It never ends, so quit whining about it, face it, and embrace the fear. You will never be and do all that God desires for you when you live with fear. Read what Christ has to say about fear and doubt. Don’t give in to it. As Churchill said at the lowest moment in time for the British during WWII, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. No fear.

4. Get off social media. I mean it. Nothing says I’m seriously insecure like consistently posting cute pics of you, you and your girlfriend on FB, Insta, or twitter. Stop following Cute Emergency. Real men don’t put their personal life on display. Have some pride. You want to write a poem for your girlfriend? That’s a great idea, really great actually. So write it, and then take her to a park with a blanket and a picnic lunch and read it to her. For God’s sake don’t post it for the world. If you like a girl, quit retweeting and favoring her witty little tweets. Stop texting her four or fourteen times a day. Instead, do something crazy like call her and talk to her. Ask her out for coffee. Be brave and DO something real. And quit tweeting about everything you do and random thoughts you think. No one cares. Seriously. Stop posting about the 1 month anniversary of you and your girlfriend. When you grow up and you want to post about being married 10 years to your (first) wife, we’ll talk. Until then, just don’t. And if you simply can’t walk away from social media and insist on doing something, go make a crazy good video and post it on vine. Start living in the real world.

5. Surround yourself with other solid young men. You need them. They need you. If you don’t have one peer in your life that pushes you to be better, holds you accountable, and challenges the front you put up to the world, get one. Chances are you won’t make it without one. Get plugged to a body of believers. Find a solid group of Christ following young men and spend time with them. Next, find a mentor. A Godly man who has lived some more life than you have. You’ll have to ask. Remember the be brave section. When you’re ready, look for someone to mentor.

That’s it. 2 simple things to do and 3 simply things to stop doing. Go be a real man, a man that lives his convictions, and walks in Godly confidence. Lord knows this world is in desperate need of some authentic Godly young men. By the way, there are some crazy, amazing, beautiful Godly young women out there waiting on you.