I started off to write some thoughts on dating for young men and young women in a couple of previous posts that ended up being focused not so much on dating, but much more on being.  As in, being the person God has called you to be, and the impact that has on your dating life.

Today I wanted to go back to the subject of dating and marriage.  I suggest you start with my previous posts, as this one is simply an extension of the idea that to have a healthy, God honoring dating relationship, you must first be a healthy, God honoring Christ follower.

So, why do we date?  Why do we want to get married?  The original goals in Genesis to have dominion over the world and populate the earth are pretty well completed.  So why the urgency to get married?  Maybe your life checklist looks something like this – graduate from college, get married, get a good paying job, buy a house, have a family, live happily ever after.  I’m betting you also have a few other things on your mental list.  Things like have a better marriage than your parents, be a better parent than your parents, find a job that gives me meaning and purpose, things like that.  On a side note, cut your parents some slack on how they parented you, it’s much harder than you will every imagine.  It’s interesting that so much of the way the frame our future life involves a spouse.  I believe that’s because God created us with a hole inside for marriage.  A hole that marriage fills.  That explains why marriage is such a universal, cross cultural, accepted “thing”.  I also believe God created us with a couple of other holes that need to be filled before marriage.  Let’s take a look.

As a Christ follower, you believe that God created this world, and then created you and I in His image.  When He did, He created a God shaped hole in our lives (or our soul, or heart, I don’t know exactly where, just somewhere in us).  The basis for you, or me, or anyone, to life a life worthy of our calling, is based on having God as our foundation.  Interestingly enough, every civilization in the history of the world had some form of religion.  Every single one.  The Greeks, the Romans, the American Indians, the Inca’s, the Medes, the Persians.  Every single one in every single corner of the world.  Why?  Because we have a God shaped hole in our live.  Only God fits perfectly.  It’s a bit like a puzzle, you can put other pieces in there, but they don’t fit exactly right.  The other pieces you can force in the hole can be anything, academic success, money, sex, drugs, power, adventure, whatever it is that drives the focus of your life.  But if it’s not God, it’s never enough.  This hole is all or nothing.  If we miss God as the foundation of our lives, we simply can’t fill the other holes.  Without God in His place, people will live a life of meaninglessness,  die, and go to hell.  As a Christ follower, we are to spend our lives showing, telling, and helping others find Christ and fill this life changing hole.

Second, God created a hole for family and/or community.  We were built to have parents that love us, and a community to help raise us.  I realize that many of you may not have a mom and/or dad, or may not have had ones that loved you well.  I believe that here, unlike the God hole, there is no one exclusive puzzle piece that fits.  There are many pieces that can fit.  Adoptive parents, grandparents, or relatives can fit.  And friends can fit.  We were not built to grow up and live alone, and God in His wisdom provides many different puzzle pieces that can fill this hole and fill it exactly right.  Which is one reason your parents were probably so picky about your friends.  Because they knew from experience that who you hang around can be a huge factor in shaping who you become, first short term (think stupid peer pressure decisions) and long term ( your calling to know Him and make Him known).  The good news about this second hole in our lives, is that you have the ability to fill this one.  The bad news is that you have the ability to fill this one.  So choose wisely.  Your friends matter, your peer group matters, your community matters.  The disciples and early Christ followers spent significant time together, praying, eating, worshiping.  They drew strength and encouragement from each other.  They did life together.  We are designed to do life together, so find your people and do life with them.  Side note, your people will most likely change over time, and that’s okay.  Some of my people in college are still my people, most are not.  But I have my people, and I’m much much better with them than without them.  So are you.

Third is the hole we have for a spouse.  It is not good for man (or woman) to be alone.  I’ve probably lost most of you by this point, as you were here to read about dating.  Stay tuned, it’s coming.  God created us to desire Him, family/community, and a mate.  And in that order actually.  In Genesis, the word that God used to describe Eve was “help mate”.  Much has been written about the roles of men and women and what we need and the differences and so on, so I won’t spend time there, except to draw your attention to “help mate”.  Before we get to the reason for dating, we need to understand the purpose of marriage.  The purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, it’s to make us more like Christ.  Not exactly what you expected I’m sure.  I grew up thinking that my life was going to be so amazing when I found my wife.  She would be crazy beautiful (she is), fun and adventurous (she is), and would make me incredibly happy all the time (she doesn’t).  I also knew in my head that we would have problems and issues, but all in all, marriage was the golden ticket to happiness.  Wrong.  As Elsa says in Frozen, let it go.  Marriage is designed primarily to make you more like Christ, not to make you happy.  Marriage teaches you daily to learn how to serve.  How to be humble.  How to put others first.  To be kind, gently, loving, full of mercy, full of grace.  To crucify your selfish heart.  To give sacrificially.  To be wronged and not retaliate.  To see the best, when the best is in short supply.  In short, marriage teaches us how to love others like Christ loves us.  How to love in the truest sense, not the romantic sense we see in the movies.

That means marriage is hard.  Very hard.  It’s far and away the single hardest thing I have ever done.  My wife is an amazing, godly woman.  She has so many stars in her crown for loving me well it will take years and years in heaven to count them all.  She has loved me countless times when I didn’t deserve it, and even times when I didn’t think I wanted to be loved.  She has shown me, and so many others, love in it’s purest form.  Love that says forever and always, around the world and back, and love that says, I choose you.  That’s what marriage can do.

There you go.  You want to know why your parents fought, maybe even why they divorced?  Because it’s hard.  Crazy, freaking, stupid hard.  Because the process of becoming more like Christ is hard.  Crazy, freaking, stupid hard.  See the correlation yet?  Marriage is the tool God created to teach us how to love and how to become more like Him.  Marriage teaches us how to love well.  In Ephesians 5 it says “for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.”  Husband and wife is like Christ and His church.  Thinking like that can and should change your outlook on marriage.  Now you know why we shouldn’t be unequally yoked.  You want to go through all of that process of becoming holy and becoming Christ like with someone who doesn’t love God and doesn’t desire to follow Christ with all of his/her heart?  No way.

There is more.  Much more.  I believe that in a God honoring marriage, not only do you learn how be become more like Christ, but you have the privilege of having your best friend with you every day.  Together, you have a ministry to start, a world to change, a calling to fulfill, a kingdom to advance, lives to change, people to love.  You have someone to pick you up when you stumble, to kick you in the butt when you’re wallowing, and to celebrate with you when you get it right.  You also get to know you are never alone in the work He has called you to do.  And as hard as marriage can be, it’s also so sweet.  There is simply nothing like it in the world.  God knew what He was doing when He ordained marriage.

Now that you have a little better understanding of marriage, let’s take a look at dating as a Christ follower.  Because dating as a Christ follower is simply the search for a marriage partner.  It’s the process of seeing, meeting, and getting to know someone with an end goal in mind.  I know that sounds cold and calculating, but it is what it is.  If you’re not dating with the end goal of marriage in mind, it’s not called dating.  It’s called “looking for someone to have sex with eventually.”

Go back and take a look at the five pillars a good relationship is built on in my post to Young Women.  The five are physical, emotional, relational, intellectual, and spiritual.  If you’re dating someone, you probably have already checked off the physical pillar.  I really want to challenge you to think about the spiritual pillar.  If marriage is designed (or even partially designed) to make you more like Christ, then the spiritual pillar is critical.  And it’s usually the last one we focus on.  It’s also why so many marriages fail.  Don’t miss this.  Marriage is too hard and simply won’t work if you think marriage is a path to make you happy.  It will make you happy, for a while.  But only for a while.  Because it’s simply not designed to make you happy.  Think about it.  You will have someone know all your deepest secrets, all your fears, all your insecurities, all your issues.  Then think about knowing all the deep dark holes in your mate.  You will get past the facade your mate put on, and they will get past yours.  You will see that your mate is not only seriously flawed, but in all likelihood is also much less than he/she advertised.  You are not getting what you think you’re getting, and neither are they.  That’s not a recipe for happiness.  It’s a recipe for disaster.  Without God and without some understanding of why you’re doing this thing called marriage, it will fail.  God’s design for marriage is a plan that includes grace, mercy, and the fruits of the spirit on a daily basis.  God’s design is a recipe for showing the world the power of Christ in us.  The world says leave when it gets too hard.  Christ says love when it gets hard, just as He did.

So, when you find someone who loves God and is truly seeking to follow Christ, spend time with them.  Go out with them. Get to know their friends (it’s insight into them, just as your friends are insight into you), get to know their family, get to know what they like to do.  Dating should be an awesome adventure.  It should be fun and easy, especially at first.  As you know more about them, you should get small glimpses of the real them, and you should begin to give them real glimpses of the real you.  The process takes time.  If it seems to be moving to fast, it probably is. And the reason is most likely physical.  Don’t mistake physical intimacy for real intimacy.  They are nothing alike when you’re dating.  If I had to give you two rules to live by in dating, first would be invest all the time and energy you can in the spiritual pillar, and the second would be to invest as little time and energy as you can in the physical pillar.

In the end, you are looking for someone you can build a life with.  Not just a life, but a life worthy of the high calling of Christ.  Someone who desires to love God more than anything and anyone.  Someone you can see yourself doing ministry with.  Someone you can go to war with (not against), because we are at war with the enemy.  Someone who can see you as you are, flaws, shortcomings, issues and all, and love you fiercely and deeply.  Someone who can love you fully, just as you love them fiercely with their flaws, shortcomings, and issues.

I know it’s not romantic, and no one’s going to make a movie about love and marriage that talks about how it makes you more like Christ, but they should.  At the end of the day, if we truly believe we are here to know Him and to make Him known, should it surprise us that everything (truly everything) is for His glory and our good?  That means marriage is for His glory and our good.  His glory is shown to a lost world from a God ordained and love filled marriage, and our good is accomplished as we become more like Him, and our work to make Him known is amplified, encouraged, and enabled by our spouse.  Think about it.

Grace and peace.

What is faith?  You probably know what Hebrews says “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  What I’m asking is, what does that mean?  Up to right now, I would have answered something nicely religious sounding like “believing in heaven is an example of faith” or “it comes down to trusting God” and maybe even “since we can’t see God, we believe in faith that He exists and loves me” and so on.  Faith just is one of those things all Christ followers have a pretty good but vague idea of what it means.  I don’t think most of us really explore the full depth of faith.  I know the bible says that without faith, it is impossible to please God.  I actually felt like I had that one nailed pretty well, after all I believe in God (faith), I trust Him with my life (faith), and I am counting on eternal life with Him (faith).  Check that one off the list.

Until I read Luke 18:8.  Christ is talking to His disciples about persistence and justice, then He slips in a seemingly simple question “However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”  Sure He will.  I went through my above mentioned mental checklist of my examples of faith, and almost made it to the next verse.  I didn’t.  When Christ comes back, will he find faith in my hometown of ATX?  Will He find it in the high school 2 miles from my house?  Will He find it on college campuses?  What wouldn’t let me go was the faith and works verse.  You know, the old faith without works is dead verse.  It forced me to ask myself, what work can I point to that shows my faith?  Put another way, what am doing in my life that requires God?  What am I doing that is bigger than my ability to get it done?  Because if it doesn’t require Him, it’s not really faith.  If I know how I’m going to pay all my bills, no faith required in my finances.  If I never leave my safe world, no faith required.  If I never go out to make Him known, no faith required.  My favorite bible story is the rich young ruler who wants to follow Christ, but not if it requires him to sell everything.  What Christ really said to him was “have enough faith that I will provide for you and come follow me”.  He didn’t.  I asked my self again, where am I looking to God to work in my life?  Where am I desperate for Him, where am down on my knees pleading with Him to move in a mighty and undeniable way?  Where can I give Him glory?  Where am I stepping out to fulfill the God sized dream He has given me?  If Christ came back today, I’m afraid my life would be stamped “No Faith Required”.

As I read Luke 18:8, I realize that Christ knew this would be an issue for His followers.  We are so easily lured to safety.  To comfort.  To the familiar.  We work so hard to provide security in form of nice houses, nice cars, and savings accounts.  Then we can give a little.  Not enough to cause us any discomfort, or put our security at risk of course.  We go on mission trips too, as long as they’re safe ones.  Because God would never put us at risk or in danger.  He would never call us to go somewhere scary, somewhere that the outcome was uncertain.  And we certainly wouldn’t take children along.  That would be irresponsible parenting.  Move my family to a Muslim country?  No, that’s not what God wants.  God loves me, and just like we love our children, that means God wants me to be safe.  I want to protect my children from everything I can, I really do.  Not God.  He wants so much more for us.  He loves us enough to say things like- sell it all and trust me, don’t worry about what you will eat or drink, and even, go to the ends of the earth and proclaim Me.

So what does faith look like for you and me?  I’m pretty sure it doesn’t look much like my life right now.  Where is God calling you to have faith and get out there and do?  What “work” has He laid on your heart that in those quiet and still moments, you can’t quite let go of?  That calling that scares you to the point where you push it down.  That action that you have no idea how to pull it off, no clue how to make it happen.  If someone asked you, where would you point to in your life to show your faith by your deeds?  (James 2:14-19).

It’s time for more.  More faith.  More works of faith.  It’s time to face our fear, and the fear that we inadequate.  That’s true by the way.  We are inadequate.  But where God has called us, He is more than adequate.  He can and will come through for us in a mighty and undeniable way.  A way that brings Him glory.  A way that allows our lives to reflect His glory.  A way that brings meaning and purpose and joy beyond our circumstances.  Stop being afraid of doing what God has called you do,  fear is  a lack of faith cleverly disguised as common sense.  The bible is not full of stories of common sense.  It’s full of stories of faith.  Faith is action in the face of fear.  Action in the face of uncertainty.  Action that requires more than we can do, provide, or control.

I’ll leave you with a beautiful quote from CT Studd.

Should such men as we fear? Before the world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him, and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts.

Grace and peace to you.  And faith.  Real faith.  The faith that moves mountains, trusts God with our all, and fills us with joy unspeakable.

True confession time.  Growing up, I often wanted to be a pirate.  The kind with letters of marque of course, free to engage any merchant ship of the Spanish empire.  We lived in N. Carolina for a couple of years, and once spent a long weekend on the Outer Banks, right in the heart of Blackbeard country.  There are countless stories of pirate treasure, stories that usually have some basis in fact, of chests of gold and jewels buried in a secret place, left for hundreds of years after the owner died or lost the map needed to recover the treasure.  I remember driving around and thinking how amazing it would be to find a treasure chest (and how much money it would be worth) and what I would do with the treasure.

That reminds me of a parable that Christ told that almost seems lost.  It’s only one verse in Matthew.   Matthew 13:44 to be exact.  I’ve never heard a sermon on it that I can remember, i while I’m familiar with the parable, I’ve never given it much thought until lately.  It gives us so much insight into what it means to be a Christ follower.  It answers the “why” to so many questions we have, and so many questions the world should have of us.  Here’s what I mean.

A man finds a treasure in a field.  He knows it’s worth more than anything he could ever possibly get on his own, no matter how hard he works.  The value of the treasure is literally more than he can count.  This treasure is also obtainable.  It’s in a field that happens to be for sale.  So the man does what any of us would do if we were faced with that situation, he immediately begins to sell everything he has – his house, his furnishings, his store, anything and everything he has.  When his friends asked him what he was doing, I imagine he said something like, “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing here”.  To everyone around him, what he was doing seemed crazy.  Who sells everything they have?  Who has that kind of disregard for his possessions?  Don’t you understand that you “need” your house and your “things”?  The truth is, you would only sell everything you have when you know the payoff is worth it.  The man found a treasure in the field that was worth selling everything for, it was worth giving up everything of value here and now, because the payoff was worth it.

That’s what the kingdom of heaven is like.  It’s the treasure worth giving up everything in the here and now for.  Who cares if people think you’re crazy, you’re in pursuit of a treasure beyond your ability to count.  A treasure that makes everything you have, and everything you could ever get in this world, pale in comparison.  Our problem is that we don’t understand the value of the kingdom of heaven.  We are exactly like the rich young ruler in Mark 10.  Jesus makes it so clear to him and honestly, to us when He says, “sell everything you have, give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.”  The young ruler missed the real treasure.  So have many of us, and I have to wonder if so have I.  We don’t want to give up what we have, we are like beggars who won’t walk away from the dumpster we eat in.  We can see it, touch it, and “own” it.  So we give up the treasure in order to keep our trash.

Two closing thoughts.  First, I’m led to wonder where we lost the deep understanding of the treasure that is the kingdom of heaven.  And second, I can’t help but think that the way of earthly treasure is a nice wide road.  That leads to destruction.

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain that which he cannot lose.”  Jim Elliot

I want to close what is turning out to be a young adult trilogy, with some thoughts on the authentic pursuit of God and what a life committed to following Christ looks like. Why did no one tell me this when I started to follow Christ at 13? I heard the message that Jesus loves me, and I wanted to go to heaven, so I accepted Him as Lord of my life. I decided to believe in God. Somehow, I missed the fact that Christ’s purpose was not to get people to believe in God. In James, it says even the demons believe in God (and shudder). So I defined my Christianity by what I didn’t do. I didn’t drink, smoke, and so on. I missed the point. Being a Christ follower is not a checklist of rules. Actually, Christ came looking for those few followers who would recklessly abandon this life and this world, and risk everything on Him to change the world for Him. That’s what I want to share with you today.

Below are five simple questions to help you know and understand what authentic Christianity requires, and what it looks like.  You ready?

Do you believe what Christ said?
This is the starting point for everyone. Here are a few words of Christ to consider as you decide on your answer.
• I am the way, the truth, and the life, no man comes to the father except by Me. John 14:6
• Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
• Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
• I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies. John 11:25
• Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all our soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22:37-38

In Christ we have forgiveness of sin, eternal life in heaven, and we are heirs to His kingdom. In Him we have everything that matters, everything that lasts. Do you believe that? If you don’t, stop here and go live your life for yourself. Seriously.

If you believe what Christ said, will you obey Him?
Too many people believe His words, and believe in Him, but don’t take this step of obedience. Obedience is on His terms, not ours. It’s all or nothing. You can’t pick and choose what you obey. You can’t pick peace and skip persecution. No grace without giving. No salvation without suffering. All that Christ is, and all that He offers, is not conditional, but comprehensive.
• Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:14
• No man can serve two masters. You cannot serve both God and Money. Matthew 6:24
• Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and do not do what I say? Luke 6:46
• Sell your possessions and give to the poor. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:33-34
• If you love me, you will obey what I command. John 14:15
• You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:14

This is where most people stop. Actually, this is where most people stall out. Most of us will say yes, and really want to mean it. The problem is we only really mean as long it costs us nothing.  As long as we don’t have to sacrifice anything.  So, it’s really more like “yes, but…”   I’ll give, but not more than I decide I can afford. I’m committed, but only on Sunday mornings. I’m in, but I decide where I live. You get the idea.
Have you counted the cost of obeying Him?
• In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:33
The problem is not that Christ refused to make it clear what is required of His followers. The problem is that we don’t like what He requires. He requires everything. That is a big, all encompassing word- everything. So we have minimized and rationalized away “everything” and replaced it with something much easier. We want to believe that simply going to church on Sunday, being a good person, no cussing, no drinking, lots of reading the bible, and maybe even going on a mission trip will make us a good Christian. At our core, we want the benefits without the commitment. We want to be secure, safe, and comfortable. Have you heard the saying “The safest place to be is in the center of God’s will”? Wrong. Dead wrong. There is nothing safe about following Christ. We are called to leave safety and security for danger and the unknown. Hebrews 11 is the hall of fame for heroes of the faith. Read about Abraham and Moses, but don’t miss what happened to the nameless heroes. They were tortured, flogged, chained, and put in prison. They were stoned, sawed in two, and put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins, they were destitute, persecuted, and mistreated. They wandered in deserts and mountains and in caves. That’s not safe. That’s not secure. But it may be required when you’re all in.
You still all in?  Because there’s more.
In order to gain everything, we must give up everything. Give up everything we “own”, everything we want, all of our hopes and dreams have to be laid at His feet. Christ may call his followers to abandon their careers, to leave home, to give away worldly possessions, and possibly to even give our lives. We are called to let go of our selfish dreams and goals, and take on our mission with single-minded passion.
What is my mission?
At the risk of oversimplifying this, here is what Christ told us to do.
• Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 12:37-39
• Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done. Matthew 16:24-27
• Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

We are to love God with everything we have, we are to passionately pursue knowing Him, and we are to go to all nations and make disciples.
Love Him, know Him, and make Him known. That’s the mission.
Are you ready now?
• But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Acts 1:8
• But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. John 16:7

The Holy Spirit is how God enables us to complete our mission. We are not to live, do, and work in our own strength. God is glorified when we trust Him, act on that faith, and go. God is still in the business of doing amazing things in His name for His glory. What’s your God dream? Why aren’t you pursuing it?
Too many of us spend our lives on what’s next. When I learn more about the bible, I’ll be ready. When I have more money, I’ll give. After college, I’ll start. Just stop. The question you should be asking yourself is “what now?” What are you doing right now for the kingdom? How are you impacting your world for Christ and how are you making Him known right now? What dream has God given you that scares you? There is no age limit, no experience limit, no knowledge limit to making Him known in your world. As a matter of fact, I love what it says in Acts 4:13 where Peter and John were preaching and people noticed they were uneducated men, but they had been with Jesus. You see, they knew Him, and they were out there making Him known. No seminary training, no college degrees. Just Jesus. If you know Him, you should be about your mission to make Him known. Right here, right now.
So, my prayer is that I gave you enough of a vision of the relentless, holy, all or nothing, life-changing pursuit of God, that you jump in. There’s much, much more, I am only scratching the surface of the surface to try and keep this short enough for you to read it!

I hope in the end,  you choose to follow Christ, and that you see there’s only one way to follow- with an amazing, passionate, wholehearted pursuit to know Him and make Him known. You can, and should, change the world.

Grace and peace

My last post was directed to those young men who are living a life somewhat to fully disconnected from the life they claim as a Christ follower.  Living life way too addicted to their phones, social media, and themselves. This post is for you. By you, I mean a young woman who is more than a little serious about living an authentic life as a Christ follower, and is seeking a relationship with a young man that honors Christ.   Being who God has called you to be in a relationship today is incredibly difficult.  My hope is to give you some tools, some understanding, and some insight there.  This is not really about the “him” in your relationship, it’s about you.  Get the “you” right, and you will be amazed at the results in your life.

Here we go.  What follows are five simple Relationship Rules for the modern young woman to know, understand, and live by.  Before you call me old fashioned, read all the way through. Then you can choose to keep ignoring the rules and keep getting the same amazing guys as boyfriends and the same amazingly wonderful relationships that you have right now (that’s sarcasm in case you missed it).   Just to clarify, I didn’t make these rules, I’m simply pointing them out to you.

1. Be a lady. I may have just lost you right here on the first one. While this could be an entire post, I’m only going to focus on two things. One is your clothes.  Think about your clothes for a minute. I know you think about them pretty much every minute of the day, but play along with me here. If your shirt can barely keep you contained, what message are you sending? Because boys notice. They really notice.  Are you wearing shorts, skirts, and dresses that are skin tight and just barely cover your rear?  Again, boys are going to notice.   The problem with putting all this effort in your clothing choices is that you are saying “notice these parts of my body”. You are buying into what the world is selling, that you have to get a boy to think you are sexy so he’ll want to be with you. Is that really the message you want to send, and really, is that the guy you want to be with?

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not recommending sweatshirts and baggy sweatpants as your everyday wardrobe. You can dress to impress, but don’t cheapen yourself  to a level where a man’s eyes never look into yours. You can dress with class and still  feel good about yourself. If you don’t know how to do this, humble up and ask your mom. She knows.

Second is language. Young women, especially those that are Christ followers, should have a higher standard with the words you speak. If you use profanity, stop. Yes, it’s old school, but it matters.   If you want to go the extra mile, say “yes sir” and “yes ma’am” to adults. You’ll be surprised at the results.

In the end, don’t settle for talking or dressing like the rest of the world. Have the courage to be different in the right ways.

2. Never send a pic of yourself you wouldn’t show mom and dad. Nothing is private, and the love of your life today, was the love of someone else’s life a couple of weeks ago. Any boy who would ask for one, is not worthy of you.

3. Wounded seeks wounded. Healthy seeks healthy. I really hate this rule, but that doesn’t make it less true.   You have built in radar that is attracted to a boy like you.  This is equally true for boys by the way. If you are hurting deeply, you will almost inevitably end up with a young man who is deeply hurting as well. Somehow, we think this person can help us, can fill the hole, can fill the hurt, and make us happy. And you feel you can fix his hurt.  It’s attractive because it makes you feel needed.  But it’s a lie. Broken plus broken equals more broken.   My point here is don’t look for a guy to make you feel better, look to Christ. Talk to your parents, read your bible, get grounded in God. Christ is our Jehovah Raffi, the God who heals.   In every broken, crazy, relationship you have ever had, the common factor has always been you. Break the cycle. Because the good news is, if you are grounded in Christ, guess who will be attracted to you? You got it, a godly young man grounded in Christ.

4. Understand boy/girl relationships. I hate to break it to you, but you probably don’t understand them. Really. First of all, boys are not interested in just being your friend. They say that, and some of them really want to mean it. The cold hard truth is that they want to be your friend only until they can convince you to be their girlfriend. Trust me on this one, and no, I don’t expect you to thank me when time after time this rule is proven right.

Moving on, you need to understand that a good relationship is made up of 5 pillars.  When these five are being met in a healthy God honoring way, you have a beautiful thing.  Let’s take a look at all five.

1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Relational
4. Intellectual
5. Spiritual

So, one guess as to which pillar is the easiest to build on? Correct. Physical is also most likely what brought the two of you together in the first place. See the dress code issue above. We’ll talk about the physical pillar more at the end.

The emotional pillar is harder to define, but most simply it’s how well he understands you; does he know when you’re mad, when you’re about to lose it, when you just need to talk?  This one takes time to build.  Go slow and let him in over time, as the bible says, guard your heart.  If you’re hurting right now, you need to be especially careful.

The relational pillar is interesting. Has your friendship circle increased as you have been going out with him? Do you know his friends, his family? Do you go out with groups, with other couples, or are you in a tightening spiral of aloneness?   By aloneness, I mean just the two of you. A good healthy relationship should expand your relational circle, not shrink it.

The intellectual pillar is just that, do you talk about the books your have read, places you want to go, things that interest you?  Do you talk about places you want to see, and why you want to go there?  Again, does he make your world bigger and more challenging, or does it seem to keep coming back to just the two of you?

And lastly, the great black hole of relationships, the spiritual pillar. If you want a Godly man, and you desire to be a Godly woman, take an honest look at the spiritual side of your relationship right now. Because this is most likely as good as it gets. Does he want to go to church with you? Does he pray with you? Has he shared some meaningful scripture with you? Do you know his heart for Christ?  What’s his big God dream?  Could you even imagine asking him?

I challenge you to rate your relationship in all 5 pillars.  If you decide to take this seriously, ask your best friend or two to rate your relationship as well and compare scores.  It might be fun, and it might be eye opening.  If your score on the physical side is high, watch out. It’s almost impossible to back track in this area. Once you have held hands, that’s where you start next time you see him. Once he has kissed you, that’s where you start next time. And so on, and so on. It’s not fair, but the truth is, you own the line on the physical side of your relationships. You will be the one to give permission for almost everything that happens physically. Guard your purity, it is precious and fragile.

5. Be confident. I do know it’s much easier to say it than to do it. First, let’s see what confidence is not –
   1. It’s not dressing like the cover of Cosmo (see rule #1 again)
   2. It’s not being rude, stuck up, or bitchy to other girls
   3. It’s not talking about friends behind their backs to look important or in the know

So what is it then? At the core, confidence consists of two separate but critical things. The first and most important is knowing “whose” you are. It’s knowing you belong to Christ. You were worth enough for the eternal, holy, almighty Son of God to come down to earth to ransom you. That’s better than any Nicolas Sparks book ever written. Confidence is knowing you are wonderfully and fearfully made. That means that the God of the universe, the God that created everything, and created everything perfectly, that same God lovingly made you exactly the way He wanted you. Not perfect in your mirror, but perfect in His eyes. Believe it. Confidence means knowing you were created for a purpose, to know Him, love Him, and to make Him known throughout the world. Yes, you. Maybe alone, maybe with a husband, maybe with children. Maybe not. But always with Him.

The second component is competence.  Competence is simply what you know how to do, and how to do it well. It could be playing volleyball, basketball, or cheer. It could be driving a jeep in the mud, putting on makeup, camping out, building a fire. It could be hunting, cutting hair, fishing, quilting, or really anything. As long you love it, and are good at it. The problem comes when competence is the only part of confidence you have. Then you are “cheer person” or a “basketball girl” and all your friends do the same thing you do. If you don’t have anything you feel like you do well, get out there and learn something.

So, confidence comes first from knowing you are God’s holy and pure and perfectly created woman, then add that you are pretty dang good at bowling (or whatever your skills and abilities are), and the result is confidence. Know “whose” you are, and know what you do well.

That’s it, just five simple relationship rules to know and understand.  Notice I said simple, not easy. Nothing good ever came easy. No relationship ever is just perfect. There is no great “soul mate” out there who will sweep you off your feet and make your complete.   The honest, painful truth is this – a boy/guy/man will never complete you. You may feel better about yourself for a while, but it fades. Actually, a new boyfriend is a lot like a new pair of shoes. For a few days, they both are awesome. Then you notice a scuff here, a nick there, and all of a sudden you want another pair. Because a new pair (boy) will make you happy. Right? Time to be honest, if you really want your relationships to work, it starts with you. You have to know “whose” you are (Christ’s), be firmly grounded in Him, and to your core understand that Christ loves you more and better than anyone else ever can or will. From that foundation, you can build an amazing future. And from that foundation, you will attract, and be attracted to some pretty awesome Godly young men.
Grace and peace ladies.

When I first wrote this blog, I thought it was a dramatic departure from why I am writing. This is written to young men who are on some level seeking to be Christ followers. As I wrote, I realized that really it’s not that much of a departure on my general theme after all, I am simply trying to address the disconnect between young men’s decisions to be Christ follower with the way that many/most of them think and then act. And how Christ calls us to be radically different than the world.

Proverbs 1 gives us some beautiful insight. Solomon’s words came from his God given wisdom and can enable us to attain wisdom and discipline, acquire a disciplined and prudent life, help us do what is right and just and fair, and give knowledge and discretion to the young. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge he says. The foundation of a Christ follower is first salvation, then time in the Word, prayer, and a community of believers. That is the starting point for everything, and so much has been written there I will leave it for today. Enough to say that what I am talking about below is additive to that foundation, and without a solid foundation, nothing I have written is of value.

I am a son, a husband, a father, a brother, and a friend. So I cover the full spectrum of manhood. That makes me somewhat of an expert in most things men. I wish that what I have to offer comes from a life well lived, but the reality is much of what I have learned has come with a cost. In many cases, a very high one. I have much better understanding of where Solomon was when he wrote Proverbs. He was saying- listen, learn, and don’t make the same mistakes I have made. So here are some simply modern day keys to making sure your life is connected. Connected to what you say, think, and believe.

1. Quit the porn. Yes, just quit it. Stop rationalizing it, justifying it, and mentally making excuses for it. One day we will answer to Christ himself. As it says in Proverbs 5:21 – “For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord.”  We are called to be pure. To be Holy. There is so much scientific evidence of the destruction porn does to the brain. Just stop. If you want to know more, do some homework, or be really brave and email me at takeastandatx@gmail.com and ask me your questions. Here’s a couple of specifics for starters-

• First, find someone you trust, and get real and ask for some accountability. No man makes it very far down the narrow road alone. Moses had Aaron, Paul had Timothy, and Christ had his disciples. You need someone as well. What destroys us most is what we hide the deepest.
• Second, remember that to be holy, turn to the One who is holy. Don’t try to turn away from porn, you’ve already tried that, countless times. Do it differently, turn towards Christ.

2. Be confident. I realize that’s a little like saying “throw strikes”. Every pitcher on the mound is trying to throw strikes, so a coach yelling at him to “just throw strikes” is not doing the pitcher any good. So here are my thoughts on being confident. A healthy, God honoring kind of confident.
a. It’s not even close to being arrogant and domineering. No one likes a bully, a loudmouth, or a showoff.
b. It does come from knowing how to do some things. Like changing the oil on your car, hunting, fishing, installing a ceiling fan, changing a flat tire, fixing a broken sprinkler head on an irrigation system and so on. Make a list of some things you want to learn how to do, and get after it. Ask your dad, ask a friend, read a how to book, or hit google. Just go learn something.
c. And lastly, to be confident at your core, you need to know “whose” you are. As a Christ follower, your identity is in Christ. You don’t have to be the biggest, smartest, strongest, or fastest. We men are competitive. And guess what, someone out there is always “better” than you (and by “better” I mean better looking, more money, better job, funnier, and so on). The only hard core reality that matters, is that you have been ransomed from death, your sin has been paid for, and the King of Kings has come from heaven to earth for you. And at the cross, all men are equal. So because of Christ, you have a mission, a purpose, and a calling that transcends anything else in this world. A man with a mission is a powerful and attractive thing. A man with a mission has confidence.

3. Stop being scared. Every really amazing thing done or accomplished in the world came after a man worked past his fear and just did it. Think about it. You will always have a reason to be scared, and you will always face rejection. Every time you ask a girl out, you face rejection. Every job interview you come face to face with rejection. It never ends, so quit whining about it, face it, and embrace the fear. You will never be and do all that God desires for you when you live with fear. Read what Christ has to say about fear and doubt. Don’t give in to it. As Churchill said at the lowest moment in time for the British during WWII, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. No fear.

4. Get off social media. I mean it. Nothing says I’m seriously insecure like consistently posting cute pics of you, you and your girlfriend on FB, Insta, or twitter. Stop following Cute Emergency. Real men don’t put their personal life on display. Have some pride. You want to write a poem for your girlfriend? That’s a great idea, really great actually. So write it, and then take her to a park with a blanket and a picnic lunch and read it to her. For God’s sake don’t post it for the world. If you like a girl, quit retweeting and favoring her witty little tweets. Stop texting her four or fourteen times a day. Instead, do something crazy like call her and talk to her. Ask her out for coffee. Be brave and DO something real. And quit tweeting about everything you do and random thoughts you think. No one cares. Seriously. Stop posting about the 1 month anniversary of you and your girlfriend. When you grow up and you want to post about being married 10 years to your (first) wife, we’ll talk. Until then, just don’t. And if you simply can’t walk away from social media and insist on doing something, go make a crazy good video and post it on vine. Start living in the real world.

5. Surround yourself with other solid young men. You need them. They need you. If you don’t have one peer in your life that pushes you to be better, holds you accountable, and challenges the front you put up to the world, get one. Chances are you won’t make it without one. Get plugged to a body of believers. Find a solid group of Christ following young men and spend time with them. Next, find a mentor. A Godly man who has lived some more life than you have. You’ll have to ask. Remember the be brave section. When you’re ready, look for someone to mentor.

That’s it. 2 simple things to do and 3 simply things to stop doing. Go be a real man, a man that lives his convictions, and walks in Godly confidence. Lord knows this world is in desperate need of some authentic Godly young men. By the way, there are some crazy, amazing, beautiful Godly young women out there waiting on you.

Do yourself a favor and read again what Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus.  Read what he said about the armor of God.  I know, you’ve read it countless times, and you probably simply skimmed over it just now.  Regardless, let’s stop and review some of the highlights of the bodily protection Paul says is required-

• You need to put on the full armor, not just part.
• Gird your loins with truth.
• Put on the breastplate of righteousness.
• Shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace
• Take up the shield of faith
• Put on the helmet of salvation
• Take the sword of the spirit which is the word of God

A couple of basic notes I like on the list of armor.  Truth protects your loins, I am reminded of our sexual purity here.  Righteousness protects our hearts, we are to be holy, as He is holy.  The shield of faith is critical, as Satan is shooting fiery arrows at us that only faith can protect us from.  Our head is the most vital body part, and our salvation protects us there.  The only offensive weapon we have is the word of God that cuts sharper than any sword.  There’s much to be said for the old time scripture memory as I think about how effectively can I use my sword.  And of course, I love the fact that there’s no armor for our backs, we are expected to face our foe, not be turned around to run.

Having gone through all of that, my real point here is that I have spent so much time focused on the list above, and all the little cool things about the armor, that I missed what I now consider to be the most important issue here.  War.  We are at war.  Paul is telling us that we have a battle to fight, a war to win, and we need to gear up.  Honestly, most of us in the church are simply unaware there’s a battle raging, and instead of being on the front lines, we’re wondering around like all the other civilians in the back, blissfully oblivious to the battle that rages, except for the occasional reminder that we tried to avoid and couldn’t.   The stakes of this war are quite simply life and death.  Heaven or hell.  Seems a bit dramatic to say that, but only because we have so watered down our faith that the stark truth seems to intimidate us.

The old classic hymn “Onward Christian Soldiers” was one of my favorites growing up.  It made feel like I has something to do that really mattered.  As I think about it now, I can’t remember the last time I heard it.   When’s the last time you heard someone preach on spiritual warfare?  When’s the last time you considered prayer as part of a war you’re in?  When’s the last time you thought that the only thing separating a person from hell was the Word of God, and you might be the last person in a position to tell them?  Once again, sounds so dramatic, so old school.  And yet, somehow it rings true.  To be candid, it’s been a while since I thought about it as well.

Let’s go back to Eph 6.  Paul says the devil has schemes.  Do you understand what he’s saying?  The devil has plans.  He has thought out how he is going to attack you, and he has an agenda to destroy you.  Life doesn’t’ just happen to us.  We are in a war, and if we don’t chose a side and engage, then a side is chosen for us.  No decision is a decision.   Paul goes on to say that our struggle is not with man, but against rulers, powers, forces of darkness, and forces of spiritual wickedness in heavenly places.   Think about that.  Satan is at war with you, and he has rulers and powers and forces that are part of his plan to destroy you.  Take a look at Daniel 10.  An angel was sent to Daniel, but then the angel says that the “Prince of the kingdom of Persia” blocked my way for 21 days.  It was not until the archangel Michael showed up, and went to battle with this evil Prince, that the angel was able to get past the Prince (in answer to prayers I might add).  Remember, there is no middle ground as a Christ follower.  In Revelation, it reminds us that if you are lukewarm, you will be spit out.  It is better to be hot or cold, not in the middle.  On top of all that, Satan himself is firing flaming arrows at us.  Arrows.  Plural.  Firing.  Continually.  Satan wants us to doubt that God is in control.  Satan wants us to focus on the things we can see, he wants us to dwell on sickness, poverty, wealth, power, relationships, anything he can in order to keep us from the real battle.

There’s so much more here for us to think about that I’ll continue in a second post.  In the mean time, fight the good fight.  I hope that phrase has a little more meaning now.

Grace and peace

I came face to face this week with this whole obedience issue.  After thinking through it, I decided to see what the bible specifically says about it.  After digging in, it’s safe to say that disobedience damages relationships and reflects an inflated sense of self, and obedience shows love and humility.  Here’s what I found-

Obedience.  It’s  strange word with lots of negative connotations attached.  Most people don’t list obedience as one of their strong points.  No, we are much more likely to be “leaders, innovators, trailblazers, and out of the box thinkers”.  We are not an obedient people.  To our detriment.
Why should we be obedient?  In a simple worldly view, being obedient to laws, rules, and regulations will keep you safe (in the majority of cases, I’m not here to debate the exception), keep you out of jail, keep your driving record clean, and keep you off of the IRS’s list.  All good things.

Infinitely more important is the scriptural view of obedience.   Plain and simple, God honors obedience.  He gave the Israelite’s the Ten Commandments to obey.  When they didn’t, there were dramatic and occasionally deadly repercussions.  God even went to the trouble to specifically call out obedience to your parents as making the top 10 all time important laws for His people.  More on parents and children later.  Move to the New Testament, and see that Christ on multiple occasions tells his disciples and his followers (and those who want to be his followers) that if they love Him, obey Him.  John 14:15 – “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  Look at that again.  If you love Christ, obey Him.  Straightforward.  Direct.  Clear.  Need more?  John 14:23.  John 15:10.  Luke 11:28.  Luke 8:21.  Jump to the Old Testament and read 1 Sam 15:22.

Our human sin nature is at war with us daily.  The world has joined forces to tell us that life is about being happy.  If you don’t like your marriage, get a divorce and start over.  If you have too much debt, just declare bankruptcy and walk away.  Unhappy with your body?  Plastic surgery is the answer.  Feeling down?  Hit the mall and buy something.  Insecure?  New clothes will fix that.  And so on and so on.  The reoccurring message is do what you want, be happy, self is all that matters.  You deserve it.  You.  Self.  Me.  Mine.

Christ came to turn the world upside down.  He says the last shall be first, the least is the greatest, and He says that self should be crucified.  We are to be new creations.  We are to love him and demonstrate that love with obedience.  All that the world places such high value on is deemed worthless.  Self first will never understand, self first will never be able to truly follow Christ.  Which is why Christ says no man can follow both God and money.  I believe that money is used here literally as well as to symbolize the “world” and all that money represents.

So then, if obedience is love, then disobedience is rebellion.  An ugly word.  In this case, an accurate word.  When we disobey God, parents, or society, we are in rebellion.  Self in charge is pure rebellion against what God has commanded us.

If you’re not convinced by now that obedience is core to being a Christ follower, just stop reading now and move on, I’m not going to spend any more time trying to change your mind on this one.  On the other hand, if you are still reading, let’s take a deeper dive into the “why” around obedience.

Obedience is setting aside self.  It is following a command, an order, or directions, even when it would be easier not to.  Even when you would rather do something else.  Even when it costs you something.  Especially when it costs you something.  That cost could be monetary, it could be opportunity cost (you miss something you really want to do), or it could be more.  Christ calls us to sacrifice self for His glory and His plan.  Obedience is not optional, it is mandatory.  Mandatory.  Every act of disobedience is a visible demonstration of self over Christ.  So it’s no leap at all to call out disobedience as sin.  Putting self over Christ is sin.  Which is why Christ was so clear and emphatic on obedience and love being inseparably intertwined.  If you follow that logic, then disobedience in any form is rebellion to the authority who made the rule, request, or order.

Obedience is setting aside self in order to demonstrate love.  What if every Christ follower read the great commission and said, “I’m not really into going to the ends of the earth and proclaiming Christ.  Instead, I’ll just sit at home and occasionally read my bible”.  You would have to ask if that person truly loved Christ.  When small children deliberately disobey their parents as children, you understand that they are simply following their core human nature – selfishness, the will that says I will do what I want to do.  You could even add – no matter what.  I will do what I want to do no matter what.  The process of disciple as a parent is simply designed to help your child understand that obedience is critical to their safety (personal safety – not crossing the street during rush hour, and social safety – think choosing to run a red light and the potential consequences).  When older children disobey, it becomes much clearer expression of an internal imbalance.  Notice that God’s command to obey your parents has no limits.  No time limits.  I am still commanded to obey my father, to honor him, to love him.  Now, it has been a long time since my father gave me specific directions, but even at this stage in my life, I realize he has wisdom I don’t, and that I disregard his words at my peril.  More than that, I love that he takes great pleasure in who I am, and who I am striving to be, and I know as well that he was deeply ashamed and embarrassed of me at previous points in my life.  I believe that God sees us much the same.  When we are obedient to him, and to all he calls us to be obedient to (Him first, parents, government), we are centered in His will, we are properly submitted to His will.  In short, we are obedient (selfless).

In closing, one of our biggest failures is our inability to see ourselves accurately.  We have an innate ability to rationalize our behaviors to a point that is inexcusable to anyone except ourselves.  I can justify why I did not tithe this month, I can mentally defend why I am not giving more, going more, why I am not kinder, more loving, I can explain every one of my behaviors in some way that allows me to keep my mental picture of myself whole.  I can defend why I did not obey this law or this command, but at the end of the day, I am forced to admit that my rebellion is self centered, and in fact, my rebellion is against God himself.  No amount of reason can excuse me.  Self is triumphant over God.  So my challenge, and probably yours as well, is to stop excusing ourselves from obedience.  Where there is love, there is obedience.

This blog began as way for me to get my thoughts down around the growing disconnect I felt between the reality of my life and the reality I saw in the New Testament. I considered myself to be an average middle class suburban Christian, much like you might consider yourself an average college Christian, or an average Catholic, and so on. And before you tell me there is no such thing as an average Christian, ask yourself if you have ever compared yourself to your peers. Of course you have. If you’re in school, you have class rank and grades to compare, if your working, you have how much money you make, how big your house is, and of course, if you are married, you have have attractive, kind, successful, amazing your spouse is. So yes, you have compared yourself to other Christians and found many that make you feel much better about the current state of your spiritual well being. And a few that make you wonder what you are missing, but then again, they are such the minority that they are easy to excuse as the “exception” Christian.
By focusing on “average”, I managed to feel pretty good about myself spiritually. I have a good working knowledge of the bible, been to church more than most, can throw out a few original greek words from the New Testament when feeling the need to exert my Christianity, and I also have a nice history of mission work, always good to break a tie in the Christian ranking scale. Then, in the midst of all my reasons to feel pretty good about myself and my spiritual state, I hit a small obstacle. This obstacle took the form of some words from David Platt in Radical.
All of a sudden, the bar was not others, the bar was Christ’s words. The bar was what Christ established, not what my church, my friends, and my culture had established. And suddenly, I was not so average. Quite simply, I was not meeting the mark. Because I had a new mark. A mark to hit that has nothing to do with what anyone else is doing, or what anyone else has done (with the exception of Christ). I had spent years telling myself that when I knew, really knew, what I was called to do, I would drop my nets and go do it. The problem is, Christ had been telling me all along. I just didn’t like what I heard. What I heard was to be holy, as He is holy. What I heard was, love God more than anything, and love others as much as I love myself. What I heard was, I have been given gifts and am responsible for using them for His glory and purpose. What I heard was, go to the ends of the earth and make disciples.
So I promptly decided that I needed to study what I learned. I needed to blog about it. I needed to really understand how it applies to me. What I still missed is that now is the time. Now is the time. There is no other time but now.
I’m still planning to write. I have questions, and feel very called, compelled actually, to keep writing. There’s a world of average Christians out there that need to become Christ followers instead. Starting with me. I can’t remember reading about any average Christ followers in the bible, I’ll keep looking, but what I know I have read about is men and women who met Christ and were never the same. Christ followers who decided that nothing in this world was worth a second thought compared to the riches of Christ. Christ followers who took Christ at His word, and simply began to tell others about Him. About how He had redeemed their meaningless lives and given them a purpose, a calling, a mission so urgent and so important that nothing, literally nothing, could keep them from it.
I am tired of continually looking around to make sure I am above average. To make sure I can feel good about myself by comparing myself to others. No more average. I am ready for more.

What would it feel like to have a mission burn so fiercely that everything else is burned up like hay and stubble?

It’s quite a word. Repent. It’s got more dust on it than most things in my attic. When’s the last time you heard a pastor speaking about repentance or the need to repent? It’s probably been a while. Why? Maybe because it’s such an old fashioned word, it’s completely out of style. It brings to mind fire and brimstone. Like a circuit riding preacher telling you to repent or go to hell, then packing up and moving on to the next town. It’s not cool to “repent”. You won’t pack your church with repentance. However, if you want to talk grace, mercy, and love, now you got people’s attention. Jesus is love, Jesus loves the little children, Jesus came to save me. Those are messages we all love to hear. You want to get “saved”? Pray this prayer, and BAM, you are in. Jesus is love, and all you have to do is believe and confess, right? That’s a pretty appealing, and by appealing, I mean easy, path to salvation and heaven. Sounds good, sounds biblical correct, so what’s the problem?

The problem comes when we look at what Christ says in Math 7. Christ tells us to enter by the narrow gate. He says the gate to destruction is wide, and easy, and many will walk through it. But the gate to life is narrow, and the way is hard. The word Christ uses for “hard” is used elsewhere in the new testament to mean pain, pressure, tribulation, and persecution. Somehow we have conveniently managed to gloss over all those verses that clearly tell us that in this world, we will not fit in. It will not be easy. It will be risky. We will not have safety. In fact, the call to Christ is quite simply a call to die. Die to self, die to comfort, die to security. We are to bet everything we have, literally, on Christ. All the great hero’s in the bible, and all the great stories of Christ followers since, have one thing in common. Each one was incredibly foolish in the eyes of the world. Each one took incredible risk, or gave up everything, or sacrificed worldly wealth, simply to follow the commands of Christ. The common thread for all of them is obedience. Who leaves their wife and children to go preach salvation to cannibals in South America? Jim Elliot was obedient to a degree that is unimaginable to most of us. It cost him his life, and he left behind his wife and family. Why? Because Jim understood that when he accepted Christ, he accepted a call to follow. A call to follow that demands our all. And in our wisdom today, we have decided to ignore the full implications of Christ’s call to us. We ignore it because it’s inconvenient. We have decided that it’s not only dangerous, it’s actually crazy.

So where is the well that a life changing level of obedience comes from? What separates those who walk the narrow road and those who stroll the wide one? Let’s go back to our word repent. Repentance is the wellspring. Repentance is the life changing substance. Repentance at it’s core is an elemental transformation in someone’s mind, heart, and life. It is the process of turning away from one thing, and turning and moving towards another. And the result of that turn is clear, evident, and transformational.

Repent. It’s was the foundation of John the Baptist’s message. It was the first word from Christ in his ministry. It’s the foundation for the first sermon in Acts. When the crowd asks Peter “what shall we do?”, he says “repent”. Turn from self and world, and move towards Christ. How successful are you at killing your self-centeredness, your desire for material wealth, for comfort, for success, for praise and recognition? How willing are you to sacrifice something, anything, for the cause of Christ? Remember, sacrifice is not giving some money, or giving some time. Sacrifice is doing without in order that someone else may have. When is the last time you literally went without something in order to give to others? Sacrifice is selling your nice SUV, buying an old clunker, and giving the difference in order that orphans can be fed and clothed.

Without true repentance, our priorities will never change. If we refuse to turn and run to Christ, we will always face the world, and our lives will reflect it. I will never willingly embrace danger, sacrifice, and the loss of comfort without first embracing Christ. Fully and completely. That embrace is a life-changing embrace.

In the old testament, it’s pretty clear to us what repentance should look like for the Jews. Melt down the golden calf (who worships a calf?), destroy the pagan idols, chop down the fertility totem poles, stop the human sacrifice to Baal, and just worship God. Even today, it’s easy for us to look at other religions and point out that cows really aren’t sacred, that a statue of Buddha is not going to do much for you, and that all those statues of gods are simply not real. The problem for us is that we are equally blind to our false gods. Money and wealth. Status and prestige. Education and job title. Nice clothes, a beautiful home, well mannered and amazingly successful children. You get the idea. What if, like the rich young ruler, Christ is calling you to give it all up?

Repentance is the foundation that changes lives. You will never shake the hold this world has on you without true repentance. The broad road is just too easy, too appealing, too accepted. The bible say that “Many” will stand before Christ and say “Lord, Lord” and He will say “depart from me, I never knew you”.